where i end and you begin

which one is that?

2009-10-05T23:06:00Z

here's a little gem i found while perusing old articles for work samples:

“I don’t want these guys sucking up our air when there’s some kid waiting to work on their after-school project or before-school project, or even if it’s me waiting to look up my favorite saint." -- County Supervisor Ray Carroll on people who access internet porn from libraries (2006)

aznina @ 2009-09-01T20:59:00

2009-09-02T04:00:19Z

if it were not quite so hot, at least the posters would quit falling off the walls. that's all i'm asking, really.

just for the record:

2009-08-28T21:09:34Z

you're not perfect either.

...hypocrite.

the things we learn

2009-08-13T03:48:59Z

the only thing i want in life is more time.

more time to read, especially, and the energy to sustain it.

i am reading "the new history of the world" and "a people's history of the united states" and "ahab's wife." i also have my dad's u.s. literature textbook from high school. my mom sent it in a package the other day. it has little pencil notes throughout, mostly musings on mortality. his own? i don't know.

my kitten wins, so her name is winter. she is the shiz, really. i could go on and on, but it would be much more effective to come see for yourself.

when i get a new computer (elephant box!) i can upload photos of her cute face.

aznina @ 2009-05-12T22:25:00

2009-05-13T05:53:44Z

i watched dear zachary.
it made me cry so hard i thought i might throw up.
...but in a good way.
that has never happened to me before.

fucking... wow.

aznina @ 2009-04-30T11:57:00

2009-04-30T18:57:34Z

omg 9 0 0 0 omg

quite subjectively,

2009-04-27T21:46:28Z

i found out from hipsterbookclub that ayn rand sales are way up this year. mainly people are buying atlas shrugged, though, which is dumb just because

you can't always get your way!

we are talking about businesses maintaining their integrity and independence in corporate america, which is just never going to happen, and ayn rand wants us to fantasize that such a thing is possible.

the fountainhead is way better because art is a completely different matter. if you are an artist, or a person who aspires to live like an artist, you CAN get your way! especially if you are willing to make ginormous sacrifices to uphold your principles. so. there's my 2 cents.

[noah told me my new haircut makes me "the hipster we always knew you were." only two people said anything at all, which is funny because i cut a good 3 inches off the back. apparently people don't look at the back of my head that much.]

she does indeed!

2009-02-14T02:44:32Z

so... i wasn't going to follow the crowd on this one, but then i saw my results:

1. nina needs a home
2. nina needs a wee
3. nina needs an holiday
4. nina needs your help
5. nina needs a breaky
6. nina needs a new verizon phone ASAP
7. nina needs you prayers
8. nina needs a part time job for cash
9. nina needs out
10. nina needs to trust

wow.

yes, that does say "wee," as in "how do we know when we need to go potty?" thanks, BBC!

also, "an holiday" (debatable) and "you prayers" (just plain wrong) are their typos, not mine.

hardy har...

2009-01-06T05:56:05Z

just a sampling...

J: are you guys cutting hours?
me: yeah, a bit.
J: is it the economy?
me: i think so. they're just trying to cut costs during the slower times of day.
J: it's happening all over. i'm lucky i work where they can't cut hours.
me: what do you do?
J: i work with developmentally disabled and crazy people.
me: oh, so you can't just tell them to go away.
J: no, they don't stop being crazy just because of the economy.

------

me: our new sleeve says "this is the only handheld device you'll ever need." is it just me or is there a subliminal message there?
D: that's really dirty, nina.
me: that's not what i meant!
D: oh, you mean like cell phones?
me: yes. but thanks, now i'll think about handheld devices every time i give someone their coffee.

------

me: when i was a kid i had this my little pony that would say things when you squeezed its butt. it would say:
i'm pretty.
comb my hair.
i'm pretty.
i love you!
G: it's the vain my little pony.
me: the best part was that it said i'm pretty, not "you're pretty."
G: it was completely self-absorbed. i'm awesome!
me: i'm awesome.
squeeze my butt.
i'm awesome.
you love me!
(lols)
me: i remember because i squeezed it lots and lots of times.
G: that's what she said.

not you, just you in general

2008-11-13T23:43:05Z

thanks to a combination of holiday bevs, temperatures conducive to baking, and a new season of top chef (!!!!!!), i think i'm finally getting my booty back. i can't wait to fit in my pants again. it's gonna be great.

seriously though, it's a relief because i'm so over the food thing: people thinking i don't eat enough or don't eat the right proportions or need to start eating meat or whatever the fuck people think that they don't tell me. i've even been told "your face is changing." well duh. it's called aging.

here's the other thing: i'm sick of having other people's (eating, etc.) issues in my life. i officially don't care anymore. i don't mean that in the sense that i don't want people with eating issues in my life. that doesn't matter to me at all. it's like if you've grown up with people who never wear shoes and then you go away to college and your roommate never wears shoes. you're like "ok, whatever," and you don't judge that person because it's nothing new. like probably you stopped wearing shoes yourself for a while. it was the cool thing to do. i mean really, why would you wear shoes when it's so much easier not to wear shoes? right. so it would take a lot to shock me. you'd have to like not have toes or something. metaphorically speaking.

anyway, the point is it's not my responsibility to worry about what people eat or don't eat. i don't care. if you eat wrong and you're not willing to start eating right, i don't want to know. if you don't like your weight but you're not going to do anything about it, i don't have any sympathy. it extends outside the kitchen too: if you hate your life but you're not willing to at least try do what it takes to like it again, i don't want to hear about it.

maybe i sound cold, but only because i've been there, and i know for a fact that no matter how much you talk to people and complain and feel sorry for yourself and even admit that you're scared, nothing anyone else says is going to make any difference. and obviously it sucks to surrender and it's hard to make changes and it takes time and energy to work on things, but i don't know anyone who would tell you it's not worth it.

last night i watched ruby, and i was pretty much blown off the couch with respect for her. even though she's way beyond the point where most people would say "i'm not even going to bother trying because it's pointless," she still has the inner strength to set this incredible goal and then go out and find people who can help her meet it and make her friends hold her accountable to it. that takes such an incredible amount of guts. i have so much admiration for her for even starting up that road, because it's ubersteep, you know. and we thought our 100-pound lives were hard.

so yeah. if you're trying to lose 250 pounds, i'm totally 100 percent on your side and i'll do whatever i can to help you. but otherwise, i'm under no obligation to sit there and look at it, or try to carry it myself, or hear about how heavy it is.

dia de los muertos

2008-11-10T02:53:01Z

death
ozone
incense
beer
light
bees
lightning
bones
drums
greasepaint
panic
ghosts
smoke
dust
ashes
drums

and bye bye

2008-11-08T18:39:09Z

yo.

i watched punch drunk love again last night. so so brilliant. it's like being inside somebody's head when they have a panic attack. but simultaneously funny. and (the best part) so deliciously subtle. yum.

i love the word ridic. for a while i kept thinking it all the time but i didn't want to say it out loud in case anyone thought i was calling them a dick or something. now other people are saying it. where did this originate?

[is slang vocab part of our collective unconscious? in milwaukee we started saying snap as a joke and then suddenly i started hearing it on TV a couple months later. how does this happen?]

what is your favorite word? i haven't found mine yet, but i feel it on the tip of my tongue, preparing to dive off. conquer is a good one. so is alacrity. and of course chiaroscuro. maybe precision.

other people have said clarity, ecstasy. so those are already taken.

[i just looked up spelling bee words on merriam-webster (not marian webster, P.S.; as a copy dork i know these things.) and it disturbs me that gauche was a losing word. that's pretty embarrassing.]

filth

2008-10-30T23:09:46Z

From the Arizona Daily Star:

"A Tucson man who stabbed a University of Arizona student to death was sentenced to life in prison Wednesday with release possible after 25 years.
Jimmy D. Waymire was convicted last month of robbing and killing Ralph C. Romero Jr., 19, on June 14, 2007, and was facing a life sentence with or without the possibility of release.
Deputy Pima County Attorney Mark Diebolt told Judge Gus Aragón the slaying was senseless and brutal and Waymire should never get out of prison.
Waymire's attorney, Assistant Pima County Public Defender Walt Palser, pointed out Way-mire has some significant mental-health issues.
In fact, Waymire didn't attend his trial because he suffers from agoraphobia and was allowed to appear in court via video for Wednesday's hearing. Agoraphobia is an extreme or irrational fear of crowded spaces or enclosed public places.
In addition to the life sentence, Waymire was also sentenced to concurrent terms of 10.5 years each for kidnapping and armed robbery.
Tucson police officers responding to a 911 disturbance call found Romero dead inside a Midtown apartment.
The fine-arts student, who one day hoped to become a professional dancer, had been repeatedly stabbed in the face and neck with a pair of scissors.
His hands had been pulled behind his back, and a cord had been wrapped around his neck and arms.
Officers encountered Way-mire coming out of the apartment with blood on his forearm, holding a wallet with Romero's identification card sticking out.
A struggle ensued, and Waymire was able to get away, but his estranged wife later called police.
The wife told police Waymire called her from an unfamiliar cell-phone number for a ride, saying he was in big trouble.
The wife told police where to find Way-mire. When officers arrested him, they found Romero's cell phone on him and realized he'd used it to call his wife.
DNA tests later confirmed that Waymire's blood was on a pair of scissors found where he struggled with police. His blood was also found on the clock-radio cord used to bind Romero.
Telephone records indicate Waymire and Romero met through a telephone chat line.
They had last spoken with each other less than two hours before Romero's death."

justice is never truly attainable when a man takes another man's life.

i don't believe in heaven but for ralphie's sake i wish i could.

what we find in the sea

2008-10-27T04:25:30Z

this is extremely paraphrased, but essentially:

me: i'm surrounded by people my age who are in committed relationships and have been out for years and sometimes i think they're like "what are you waiting for? just come out already." but i don't think it's that clearcut, like there's a whole spectrum of sexuality and you don't necessarily fall at one end or the other. some people do, but some people don't. so i don't feel comfortable putting a label on myself because i don't feel like i've found the one that fits yet. i've definitely been attracted to girls, but i've never been with a girl, so i don't know for sure, and i don't want to just put myself in a box, you know?

mom: well there's no pressure. that's something you'll find out in your own time. and maybe sexuality isn't even that prominent of an issue. i sense that you've always been focused on having a relationship that dignifies itself in other ways: you're looking for things like truth, and you want a partner who's intellectual, and who has a sense of integrity. and those take time to identify. you're just on the track to having relationships develop in a different fashion. so what's the hurry?

nothing changes in the end. and really, i don't care anymore because i have everything that matters.

for reals

2008-10-23T05:36:05Z

just in case you didn't believe me, here's proof:

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them...

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (lame! i've read a few and seen a bunch...)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (i did read The Brothers Karamazov)
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres (i have it on my shelf.)
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (this is my favorite book ever.)
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

that's 52. for the record. plus i feel like i should get partial credit for reading related books that did not quite make the list, such as Conrad's Lord Jim and The Brothers Karamazov. and if anyone is looking for trends, here they are: distopia and the french revolution. (whose list is this? why does it not include Fahrenheit 451?)

and here's something else fun, just for fun, yep.

Comment and I will....

a) Tell you why I friended you.

b) Associate you with something -- a fandom, song, color, photo, etc.

c) Tell you something I like about you.

d) Tell you a memory I have of you.

e) Ask you something I've wanted to know about you

f) Tell you my favorite userpic from your list

g) In return, you need to post this on your own LJ.

um... can anyone identify this screenname? i'm so curious.

HairOfTheCoho: Oh my god, you're Buffy the vampire slayer, aren't you?!
azninac: what? no
azninac: who are you?
HairOfTheCoho: what?

let's

2008-08-29T02:57:43Z

"this election has never been about me. it's about you."

right on. hope feels really good.

pages

2008-08-21T01:03:29Z

everyone else is talking about books, so i will too.

books i read this summer that i would recommend:

the wind-up bird chronicle -- haruki murakami
after dark -- murakami
south of the border, west of the sun -- murakami
the inferno -- dante
no one belongs here more than you -- miranda july
ender's game -- orson scott card
some ether -- nick flynn (again, yeah.)
mr. palomar -- italo calvino
the amazing adventures of cavalier and clay -- michael chabon
running with scissors -- augusten burroughs
dry -- burroughs
a million little pieces -- james frey
symphony -- jude morgan
you shall know our velocity! -- dave eggers
what is the what -- eggers
catch-22 -- joseph heller

books i read this summer that i would not recommend:

deception point -- dan brown

books i'm going to read soon:

oryx and crake -- margaret atwood
tales of the city -- armistead maupin
galapagos -- kurt vonnegut

i love books. a lot.

famiglia

2008-06-18T05:53:31Z

we are all very intelligent and very driven and very distant. that's all there is, and sometimes it fades away and then there's nothing.

i get lost out here.

(and no one comes looking.)

closure

2008-05-14T02:08:24Z

my car met the angel of death. (not angle! what would that be, 14 degrees?)

it has 25,000 miles left.

25,000 is a lot of miles.

the last this, the last that. i'm ambivalent.

entrada real

2008-04-21T22:54:35Z

i used to like. write poems. and stuff. every day or something.

something easily forgettable and pretty emo and i guess, yeah, wonderful because i find them and they are the only part of that me that is still in color. if that makes sense.

(
she watches me stumble
in the moment
when i climb from the car
she makes me dizzy
just standing there

we watch the rain
outside her window
the sill twirled with dust
her hand is on my belt
the roof sounds hollow

her eye swallows me
like a camera lens
we zoom in
i am high contrast
grainy

the afternoon passes
in tenths of a second
the rain lets up
the roof is silent
i stumble away
)

so. time for my break now.

poor apple blossoms

2008-04-19T04:02:58Z

hail? sticking? really?

my defroster is having a hard time with this blizzard. [defroster blog: it is APRIL. i want a vacation. WTF.]

tomorrow is the seder, so emotions and singing. but i'm not really in the mood for feelings this year.

people will ask me questions that i don't want to answer. and i will be surrounded by therapists. i don't like to think about how therapists' lives are fucked up too. and how therapists see other therapists and have therapist friends who bring dishes to potlucks.

something always goes wrong when tradition is involved.

oh, and somebody always cries. (dayenu.)

i really like the number 8 too, incidentally.

i cheated.

2008-03-24T21:29:52Z

living inside my head is like a city inside of a city

i totally just stole this from myself because i am that in need of distraction.

Put your iTunes library on shuffle and let the first 16 songs you hear answer the questions.

1. How does the world see me?:
maroon 5: makes me wonder

2. Will I have a happy life?:
the magnetic fields: infinitely late at night (don't worry about me / i'll be allright)

3. What do my friends really think of me?:
avenue Q: everyone's a little bit racist

4. Do people secretly lust after me?:
elliott smith: angeles (and be forever with my poison arms around you)

5. How can I make myself happy?:
avenue Q: i wish i could go back to college (wow.)

6. What should I do with my life?:
will smith: don't say nothin' (i honestly did not know this was on my ipod. sometimes i surprise myself.)

7. Will I ever have children?:
snoop dogg: drop it like it's hot (HA)

8. What is some good advice for me?:
nada surf: concrete bed (to find someone you love / you gotta be someone you love)

9. How will I be remembered?:
the weakerthans: illustrated bible stories for children (love it: Morning bright, rise. Go over your lines. Iron your carefully crafted disguise. We'd all like to sing. It's easy to sigh; to sprinkle a handful or plausible lies. Our buildings will rise, poke out our own eyes. Publicly smile and privately frown. A weeping reprise. Please hear my cries; I'd like to pull just this one building down. So turn off the sky. Head in my hands. Night keep me warm. White window-sill. Blinded by heart. Cut my hair short. Eyeless in Gaza with the slaves at the mill.)

10. What is my signature dancing song?:
what laura says thinks and feels: pairadice (whatever, i'll dance to anything.)

11. What do I think my current theme song is?:
the fray: little house (i don't really like this song. but... yeah. let me introduce: emo me.)

12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
jimmy eat world: bleed american

13. What song will play at my funeral?:
bush: inflatable

14. What type of men/women do you like?:
maritime: young alumni (we've worn our hesitations out / we're made of destinations now)

15. What is my day going to be like?:
jurassic 5: a day at the races (that's pretty wack)

16. Will I ever have love again?
maroon 5: nothing lasts forever

products

2008-03-12T16:53:46Z

i had a dream that i had gotten a tattoo and i was really upset about how it turned out. it was on my arm and it had a lot of words... i don't remember what the words were. i didn't like the style of the letters, they looked too commercial. i woke up really glad i don't have a tattoo.

i keep snipping little bits off the back of my hair. like, if it's going to be short, it should be SHORT. not like... medium short.

i really want a new job. i'm getting consumed with it, like it's the answer to all my problems. (a downtown job accessible by bus that i get to dress up for, please? thanks.)

day off, day out

2008-03-07T21:48:49Z

in a way i felt i owned the city as much as it owned me.

when i am driving down the street with my windows open, i feel like i am giving all the pedestrians a big treat by letting them listen to my music. this is a good feeling.

i forgot about cherry blossoms. now that i remember, i'm kind of excited. who wants to go to the arboretum with me? it's almost that time of year...

for some reason i can never find things when i am looking for them, even if i know where they are and they are right under my face. for example, i couldn't find my camera the other day, and i started freaking out because i thought i had left it on my dresser but it wasn't there. but then, the third time i looked, it was there, right where i thought it was.

or today i went to the library, and as i was driving there i saw a sign that said "fremont library," and then i parked and walked back, only i couldn't find it. so i walked and walked and finally i realized i had gone about three blocks too far, so i turned around and went back... turns out i had walked right past it. and i've been there before.

anyway, so the library. my hours at work have been cut lately -- a lot. but instead of moping, i'm taking this as an opportunity to reinvest in nourishing my brain. (this will also help with not worrying about SAM. i hope.)

booklist:
slaughterhouse five (just finished)
travels with charley (almost finished)
as i lay dying (just started)
for whom the bell tolls
the stranger
siddhartha
the complete stories of truman capote

and crossword puzzles of course. (food for regular folks = bran? ha!)

i have a new obsession with the fremont PCC. i mean, buying lentils in bulk is pretty exciting. and even the bum outside was nice. actually i'm kind of into fremont in general. how cool would it be to work within walking distance again? really really cool. plus there is a troll. and i can visit meg at theo and eat chocolate samples for free.

oh man, the wheels in my head are turning...

i miss having short hair! i feel like it would be a betrayal to the self who has been trying for three years to grow her hair out, but... i really want to chop it all off. opinions?

does the coffee cake have caffeine in it?

2008-03-04T01:13:39Z

someone asked me that for real. i was like ....................... (laugh?)

so a girl at work said her roommate is into me. he wants to know if i'm single. um. er. um.

i am rocking this crossword puzzle. and in a few hours i will be rocking the spelling bee. maybe. or just rocking the birthday cake and beer.